meeeee

I don't understand myself. I try to but I cant. It funny because I am so introspective. I always thinking ruminating, analyzing. I drive myself crazy.
I do know that I am a neurotic mess. I have the almost irrational fears. I am scared that someones going to push me down the tracks while the train is coming. This fear is not so irrational, I hear psychos do push people off the train platforms. I am always scared I have cancer or AIDS. Not that I engage in risky behavior , I am not sexually active. When ever I read suspense novels, you know those ones with a psychopath killing everyone. I am scared that something like that could happen to me. BUT I am not only a neurotic mess. I am easy going, fun loving person almost child like. However, I am quiet and somewhat shy. I am not someone to start a conversation with you because I just don't like talking that much. I'll rather observe and watch people. This trait has enabled me to become a seasoned gossip. I love gossip, jist whatever you call it. I don't spread it but I love to hear it. Being an observer, I know a lot of shit that goes on. No secret is safe when I am around. hahahaha I don't have a lot of favorites because I am always in a gray area. I am neither there nor here. I always try to stay in the middle. Yes I am quite a freak.I love to laugh. I have a sister that always makes me laugh. I am with her almost every day. The wildest most dangerous thing i have done in my life is too too....r u ready.. skip classes. Yes i consider living on the edge when i skip classes. I am not really crazy about my parents. I don't like my father, my secret fantasy is that he dies and i inherit all his money. I am disappointed in my mother. It sucks when you find out your parents are imperfect. Maybe a little too imperfect for my liking. I love my uncle though i havent seen him in years. he is like my father. I think i could easily be clinically depressed if i didnt believe in God. I am impatient, I hate waiting. I am quite understanding maybe a little too understanding. I love New York on flavor flav. I hate being stressed out . I daydream to escape the boredom of my life.i love life. Some times i am so happy, sometimes i am so sad. I am self contained. i rarely say what i am feeling though i might have opinions in my head. I would rather listen to others talk about their lives than talking about mine.It is a defense mechanism. I don't want to get hurt.I am indecisive. I am easygoing, i just go with the flow, rarely impulsive but i am not a planner.